my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
