Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
