it hurts more in the daytime
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
