i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize