also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
