Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We talked him into tasing himself.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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