i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
