I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
