I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
