im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
