I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
