it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
