Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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