You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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