The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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