I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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