explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize