They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize