Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
