I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
