So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We left the knife in your bed.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
