READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
