guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
