we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
