Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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