When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
