Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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