There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
