Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
