Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
