just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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