Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
