Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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