Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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