jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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