Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
