I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
