I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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