small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
