it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
