first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
