I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
