she was so not down for the gang bang
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
