my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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