Sry I called you an 8
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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