How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize