and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize