I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
