I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
