So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
