So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
