Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
