im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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