He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
