Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
