You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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