I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
