U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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