What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
where am i from again
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Randomize
