I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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