look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize