The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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