he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
There's always time for handjobs
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
