I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
