Apparently you make a good broom.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
