My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
