I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
