some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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