Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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