Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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