38 yer olds are good kisserssss
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
