she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
