just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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