I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
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I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
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The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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