Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
