I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
