Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My dad just said "fuck circus"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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