the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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