Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
false alarm. still invincible.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
