ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
