The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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