He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
